The Pain of Being Alone

And there I was, again, in my house.
It was past midnight. Everyone is asleep.
Everyone but me.

I was like a girl without any social life.
No friends to speak of.
And no, that neighbor of mine doesn't think I'm one.

Or maybe because I am too shy.
I had no friends except for my dolls.
Emotionless and void of life.

I always fail in trying to make friends.
It was a failure I've always lived with.
I don't know why.

In my encounters, was I a cruel person?
Have I hurt someone more than I wanted?
Do people see me as a menace?

Other people never wanted to see me.
Do people find me strange?
Am I something that people hated?

I don't know. I can never answer these questions.
If I try, I would only get hollow lies.
Never getting truthful answers.

I close my eyes, beckoning the darkness of the night.
I have always slept in my room alone.
But when I closed them, tears welled out.

The pain has grown in me through the years.
Sadness is no stranger to me.
In profound sadness, I could only cry.

At least the night shows darkness that covers me.
A comfortable blanket welcome to all.
It was one of the nights I had to let it out.

But I dare not show it. I must not.
Only in the darkness where none could see me,
can fate see the real me.

I, Alice Margatroid, am crying again.
Crying because I have no friends.
Crying because I couldn't even befriend myself.

Crying because I failed to make friends.
Crying because I only lived with dolls and not with people.
It was the only thing I could do.

My outpour of emotions is like any other girl.
I was like anyone else, or so I thought.
When I opened my eyes again, it was already another day.

The tears were gone, the day is starting.
Another day to try to win, another day to try to lose.
Will I change this time?

I dare try to answer that question. But...